I tend to see myself first and foremost as a spiritual person and that’s something I’m usually pretty proud of. I’m also a person who talks a lot about gratitude as an essential part of the spiritual path. I read about it and I think about how I can become more grateful towards myself, others, G-D and life. Unfortunately I often seem to fall short in this department. I think much of this problem is rooted in the fact that I’m so disconnected from many aspects of my life.

Anyhow today I spoke briefly with my mother on the phone and she told me a story that really hit home. Apparently one of her friends has a son who is roughly my age and overweight (but slightly smaller than me according to my mother) who was recently sent to the hospital for heart trouble. I didn’t get exactly what was wrong but apparently it’s serious and he’s going to need to be medically monitored and make some significant lifestyle changes. My mother is very cautious with me because of our history, so she didn’t say anything about my health and or weight but I could feel the concern in her voice.

Coming back to the idea that I am a “spiritual” person, over the past year (on and off at least) I’ve been trying to bring my body into the equation and it’s been a huge struggle. I’ve had a rough life and have overcome a lot including heavy alcohol abuse (oh by the way later this month marks my third year clean and sober, yay for me) so it’s not like I’m unable to master my addictions. It is just that for whatever reason this weight thing has been very difficult, frustrating and depressing.

My mother’s story has me worried because although I’ve been very fortunate even as an overweight adults in terms of health. I’m slipping into that age group now where things like weight can really start to get you into trouble.

I don’t want to come off as someone who’s unhealthy because I’m not actually at this point unhealthy I’m just fat. I mean compared to a lot of people I’m actually very healthy because I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t do drugs. Also for most of my adulthood I’ve lived off of a primarily plant based diet and as of last month I’ve given up what little meat I was previously eating. It’s funny because Tamara thinks I’m one of the healthiest eaters she knows she just always adds “your portions are just way too big” and she’s right about that. I really don’t think I’m unhealthy I’m just unfortunately pretty fat and that puts me at risk of becoming unhealthy every day I stay like this.

This week I’ve realized that I don’t need to change the foods I eat. In fact I don’t even think I need to change my attitude towards the foods I eat. I’ve realized that I need to change my attitude towards my body when it comes to food.

I’ve also realized that I need to move my sense of “Spirituality” out of my Neshamah, past my mind and into my body a little bit more because there seems to be a disconnect in this department.

I’ve never been super connected to my body in fact I’ve spent a lot of time trying to escape it, which is why I wound up neck deep in booze and drugs growing up. I guess the process of reconnecting to my body is something that has been slowly taking place for years and now it’s just time to kick it up to the next level or something.

I have been doing stuff on this front for a little while but I think it’s time to try something new. It’s time to bring G-D into this equation or rather bring my relationship with G-D into the process. Because up until now I haven’t done that, well at least not with any measure of honesty.

Okay so bringing it back to gratitude and its role in spirituality I’m wondering the following.

Can one honestly claim to be grateful towards Hashem if that gratitude isn’t reflected in the way we treat our own bodies? Can I truly be taking a sense of covenant to heart if I’m ignorantly destroying the very body that holds that heart? Do I have the right to criticize anyone for being environmentally unfriendly, when I mismanage my own physical environment?

Okay yes I’m being a little melodramatic but the basic points behind these questions are in my opinion worthy of some serious consideration.

Anyhow bearing the above in mind I have decided that it’s time for me to put more effort into connecting to my body as a way of connecting to G-D. I really don’t know how all of this is going to unfold but I think that reciting “Asher Yatzar” daily is a good start.

And on that note I leave you with the following lovely version of “Asher Yatzar” taken from a sermon at Temple Beth-El of Richmond, Virginia.

“Blessed are You, O Lord, our God, king of the universe, that created the human being with infinite wisdom, and created passages that are supposed to be open (like mouth and nose) and passages that are supposed to be closed (like stomach and heart). It is revealed and known before the throne of Your glory, that if those intended to be closed were open or those intended to be open were closed, we couldn’t exist and arise before You. Blessed are You, O Lord, healer of all flesh and who does wondrously.”

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