A Few Thoughts on Virginia & Self-Deception
General, Living Jewishly April 17th, 2007Note: This post started off as a comment over here.
Last night as I was drifting off to sleep I was struck by what I suppose can be called a micro moment of dread. Events like the one which took place in Virginia yesterday have a powerful way of pulling the rug from under me. It’s easy living in Canada to delude oneself into thinking that ” here everything is safe” and that ” horrible things” only happen other places but this is far from the truth.
Every student and faculty member who went through that ordeal yesterday woke up I’m sure pretty much the same way I did. Thinking today was going to be another day. Some people excited and others dreading it but none of them expecting to find themselves, in the middle of a battle zone any time soon.
It’s baffling to me how we take things for granted and assume there’s always more time to fix things, to grow or to simply be. It also scares me that one person can become so ill that their disease spills out in a way that can cause so much destruction. In a way that within a few hours 30 plus lives come to an end. That the lives of hundreds of others including families, friends and those unfortunate enough to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, have been broadsided by this tragedy.
Maybe I’m just in the grips of a narcissistic Buddhist hangover but situations like this one make me realize how much I take for granted and how unappreciative I can be much of the time.
Looking back on my own reactions to yesterday I realize how much of a harsh and critical SOB I can be sometimes.
This morning I realized that yesterday I actually spent more time internally criticizing people for turning this horrible incident into a self-indulgently voyeuristic feast of suffering and carnage, than I did feeling empathy towards those involved in the incident. That’s not to say I didn’t feel bad because I did. In fact when I first heard the news, I had the mindfulness to stop what I was doing and quickly recite a short blessing. But the bottom line is that I spent more time in a place of judgment and arrogance than I did in a place of compassion and empathy. All in all I am just as voyeuristic the only difference it would seem is that I don’t look for tragedy to feed on. I instead seem to feast on what I perceive to be hypocrisy. That’s certainly no better behavior on my part and some might even say its worse.
So I suppose that out of all of this I’ve learned that…
Whenever I get into a judgmental mode it might be better to check my own behavior and thinking instead of finger-pointing.
I don’t want to selfishly detract from the pain and suffering that all of those involved must be enduring today and I know that this isn’t about me in the grand sense of things. However it certainly has been a loud wake-up call. Pointing out (among other things) how easy it is for me to waste time assuming that there’s always more of it (time that is) to undo any damage or catch up on what I’ve put off but the truth is, there’s just no guarantee of that.
I suppose that all of this has helped me to once again (because it’s a lesson I frequently forget) realize that although it’s easy to become judgmental and aggravated/frustrated by such situations. What is probably more appropriate is to approach such events with a sense of gratitude (for what we have in our lives) and compassion towards those who are suffering at the moment.
Anyhow I suppose I’ve rambled on long enough.
Be well
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